You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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