its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
