if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
