Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
