the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
