Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
