she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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