My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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