Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
