And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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