dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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