Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
