I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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