forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
