I have demons in me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
