In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
