How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently you make a good broom.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
