What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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