And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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