this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
