You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
