had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
