my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You ruined the universe
Randomize
