I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
