a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize