"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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