We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
