nut hugger
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
