mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
