i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
