We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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