great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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