remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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