I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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