My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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