garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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