Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
