Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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