Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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