Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
