He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
