video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
