hotel room ftw
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Someone came in the potted fern
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
