dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
