Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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