pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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