she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
