Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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