Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
