Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
