don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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