jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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