i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
