Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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