I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize