You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
