they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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