Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
