I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There was a lot of him and a little penis
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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