Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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