He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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