Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
