the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
