I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
