Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
be right there i have to get my cape
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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