i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
