I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
