Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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