I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize