Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
