Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
