Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
