I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
