I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
