whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
