Are we in a gay sports bar?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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