I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
