Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
