Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
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I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
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Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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