u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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