If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
