# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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