I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
