Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
